Things I no longer care about after I turned 35

Part 1

1. My age- When I moved to LA, I kept meeting people who were extremely weird about their age. People who lied about their age when they first met me, or who got visibly uncomfortable when age was brought up. And suddenly, I was getting weird about my age too. Mostly because I hadn’t accomplished as much as I thought I would by this age (I was not giving myself enough credit at all). I couldn’t believe I was in my 30s still “figuring it out.”  I don’t blame women for being weird about their age, the 30 under 30 effect is very real and society acts like we should all go crawl under a rock after 35.  But I’m proud of who I am and where I am in life. I’m proud of myself for going after my dreams, trying my best, and everything I’ve accomplished up until now. And I won’t be crawling under a rock anytime soon.

2. Whether someone is mad at me or not-  This one is probably the most freeing one.  I grew up walking on eggshells and was able to pick up on the slightest nuance of someone’s mood from a very young age. My childhood trauma whittled my personality away and I turned into being a huge people pleaser. I thankfully learned the art of saying no years ago, but the feelings of “ugh, I hope they’re not mad at me” still lingered up until recently. And one day I caught the thought and said “Actually they’re probably not mad and if it’s totally okay if they are.” Whew.

3. Not knowing something/looking stupid in public-  Okay this may sound insane, but when I was 4 and in kindergarten, I had an archnemesis. I loved school and I was already used to being the best. And then this boy Cordell came to class and he could read better than me. And it drove me crazy, but it pushed me. And from kindergarten to second grade the two of us sharpened each other through learning numbers, reading at a higher level and whatever else we learned from the ages of 4-7. We constantly competed for the best grade or praises from our teachers.  I have no idea why first grade was so cutthroat for me, but I loved it.  And I went on to become a know-it-all. Which on one hand, gave me a real thirst for knowledge and made me ever curious and on the other hand made me a little (or sometimes a lot) obnoxious. And so when I didn’t know something, I’d become immediately ashamed for not knowing, which is so silly when I look back at it now.  Of course I don’t know everything.  I get to experience, learn, and allow myself to be surprised or proved wrong for the rest of my life.  And that’s a worthy endeavor.

4. Putting heat on my hair-  Okay this may sound silly, but, I stopped perming my hair in 2009 and spent about a year transitioning my hair to its natural coily state.  I was very serious about not putting heat on my hair and didn’t do it for years and years. And now I really don’t care.  Am I aiming for heat damage? No.  Do I love my coils/curls? Of course, but they’ll be fine.  Pass the hot comb.

5. Ending friendships when necessary- I used to hold on to friendships for dear life. I saw long-term friendships as a sign of my character and so if a long and important friendship came to an end, I was, of course, devastated, and I took it to mean that something was wrong with me.  I had zero standards when it came to friends, whoever sat next to me at school or church or swim lessons was just it. Even if they treated me terribly, them being around was enough.  I had no problem walking away from romantic relationships, but friendships were harder to let go. I still have besties I’ve known most of my life and I love them, but it was important for me to take stock on what I value in friendship and the kinds of people I actually wanted in my life.  Not just who was around the longest. Friendship is so important to me and because it is, I get to be picky about who’s in my life.  Letting people go has given me such relief and peace and allowed me time to pour into myself and other healthier relationships.

Stay tuned for part 2 next week! Can you relate to any of these? Let me know in the comments <3

Love,

Renée